FLYING SOLO!

Our first session without Chris the gym chap on our backs correcting us, so we have a chart! A sort of star chart ha ha. It reminds us what we should be doing and how! Both Pete and I completed our task although I would have easily not gone today, my legs have hurt like you wouldn't believe after Monday and I never thought I would walk normal again! and my heart has been playing up and not sleeping at all... So it would have been easy to bail! I didn't, I attended and was glad I did as when I warmed up the pain subsided and I was able to do the training. We will have to introduce walks soon also, I am not sure how its all going to go at present and work is busy, but we have started so we must see where it goes and if it is possible to walk the london marathon in september!… I have yet to have my GPs consent, but I am hopeful this time he will sign. Although I don't really want to go to the gym, when I have been (if pete didn't go i certainly wouldn't bother! any excuse!) hard things are best overcome, we all have these words of wisdom in our heads, we all know whats best and whats best for other people, but its only when you yourself actually overcome obstacles big or small that you value and appreciate the impact and the gravity of what you have just achieved….


The worst ones are the ones that are trying to help but in fact fill you with self doubt and feeling of failure and an inability to be happy at what you can do… for example I had one person the other day, she said "oh so and so is a lot worse off than you, bed ridden she is" I could feel my anger inside and then guilt for feeling anger all at once…. BUT ITS NOT YOU IS IT… you are not going through the mental and physical issues so let me acknowledge and celebrate and be happy that a small step has been taken. I am sure her so and so friend would feel the same, her goals and targets are different and great achievements whatever they are.. and unless you have walked in the shoes you are judging probably best to just encourage or keep quiet, people don't want pity, thats no use at all, they want positive help to achieve their goals whatever they may be, well thats my take on it in my situation …everyone is very much different in all aspects... There is always someone worse off, its not a competition, its life and we need to live it and sometimes you need to concentrate on the hard issues before you and try to navigate them, whilst helping others along the way in a positive productive and proactive way. Crickey I have got on that horse this morning , swallowed a dictionary, but I thought as this is a warts and all I am writing an honest account of some of the journey. I wish I started this a year ago when I first fell ill as you forget quickly how you couldn't walk from one end of the kitchen to the other or get up a flight of stairs.