FIRST REAL TRAINING DAY!

Induction done last week, and today was the day when  we were issued with our plan!… 15 min cycle warm up, 20 min walk on the machine, 5 min row, 30 squats and 5 min cool down on the bike… Well I feel like Ive been hit round the body with a wet fish and a brick! Had a few wobbles today, heart flipped out but sat for a while and got it back in, gave Chris a bit of concern, but you don't know what you can do until you try…then stop quickly!. The exercise is not much for a fit person! But to me it was gruelling! I did try to push a light weight but that wasn't happening at all, that was too much for the heart to behave, so Chris said to stick to this for a few weeks and go from there, he will increase when I am able. So I came out of the gym unable to walk up the steps so something has worked!… and with a huge grin on my face that we had ….one…. actually gone and…. two... actually completed the hour and still standing….ISH…. But then it dawned on me, I achieved 20 mins walking…. I need to get to 10-12 hours walking in a year!!!! MMMMMM best not think about it really… just take today and then deal with tomorrow when it arrives!! Today was surprisingly ok… Ill see if I can move anything in the morning!

SMALL STEP FOR ONE…. MASSIVE STEP FOR ANOTHER

When I was worried about going to the gym induction, that worry will continue I am sure!, I will probably be in a similar state next time I go, but i know from experience that if I make myself do things  I will be better in every way, its the same as muscle memory, i.e. if you don't use your legs you will forget how to use them... kind of use it or loose it scenario… well this is the same, only the muscle memory is of your mind!. Pete reminded me of when I started to return to swimming, a place I was familiar with before I was suddenly taken ill, it has a special place in my recovery and its one of the things I will remember as being extremely tough but I am so glad I just keep persevering with it. For a whole month I tried to go swimming, it started with just putting things in a bag to go then bailing, then I progressed to getting in the car but turning right instead of left so I couldn't go!… To next getting to the pool but unable to walk through the door. I was so cross with myself for the inability to just sort it like I always do. The frustration and anger at myself wasn't the best way to deal with it. But as I am Ex Military I struggle with anything I can't overcome, I mean what is that all about! Cant doesn't even register in my brain, well it didn't!.... This was odd something I had never experienced before a tug of war in my brain which wasn't and still isn't behaving! The fear was real and had real physical symptoms. I was worried I would not be able to breath, worried there was no De Fib, worried the lifeguard wouldn't see me, couldn't get me out, worried I would forget where my locker was, worried I would just collapse, worried I would have a further internal bleed oh and the list goes on and on and on. I would be like some sort of crazy lady there speaking to myself saying for goodness sake Michelle GET A GRIP! but only the people who have been there will understand the actual fear and pain it causes and the anger and frustration of dealing with it. Have you ever been on the edge of an abseil and physically can't lower yourself over the edge or the moment you jump out for a parachute jump and you freeze…. well its exactly like that but worse!

So I am able to swim and to make sure I don't forget how to do it I have a routine I follow each time so it gets easier and easier. Today was swim day, I go early as I work full time…well more than full time in my own business so all this has to fit around it… But today wasn't the best, had breathing issues today and I couldn't get them to resolve so after a difficult 30 I got out the pool usually getting to 40 somehow. I should feel glad I did that but I feel cross I didn't reach my 40 goal… but two partial faints and heart playing up thought better call it a day and returned home instead! Bit like Forest Gump you never know what sort of day you will get until its here…If its a passing out sort of day its usually best I stay put as to push it on those days never ends well…to put it mildly!

So small steps and silly personal achievements are huge to me, but maybe so insignificant to someone who has never had life changing events.

FIRST DAY POST INDUCTION!

Pete will be the constant source of entertainment throughout this journey!  Being 60 next year doesn't make any difference to him he hasn't got past the 7 year old phase! Chris yesterday went to great lengths to chat through the importance of training precisely and right, one to avoid injury and two to get the most out of the workout. We are not looking to build muscle or anything like that we are there to purely try and get our bodies to deal with the stamina needed to walk at a pace for 12 hours or so or whatever it takes, to help get through the wall, all the physical pains attributed to marathons, many runners we know wouldn't like to walk the marathon. Its a bit like us, we cycle the camel trail but to walk it…. The boredom would almost certainly set in and my boredom threshold is low, I like things quick and now! Muscle fatigue and cramps, too much chemicals in the wrong places etc etc. Hark at me, like I am some sort of fit person, I've only been on an induction ha ha. But 5 minutes on a cycle machine and I think I can conquer the world!… no harm in deluded good thoughts eh.… now lets have a bit of a think on how this will work in reality !!! Obviously fight or flight is in sync today as yesterday fight was like rocky and flight was on a fast plane to nowhere, I didn't seem to be on either ha ha.

Anyway back to Pete, he was armed to the teeth with all the good advice, Chris said have a go and remember what he said… heart rate stable and its not about how fast its stamina training so steady wins the day. Pete couldn't resist like a 7 year old let loose, he jumped on the running machine grinning from ear to ear, level 5 max Chris said… as Pete pushed the buttons 5.1,5.2, 6, 6.3 up and up to 7.8 and he was running!…. if i paint a picture for you he was running and pressing the button with gusto like he had to eat the last few wine gums before anyone else got them that sort of panic pressing, and grinning… I reminded him that wasn't really the way to go and good job i didn't do that or we would be reaching for the de fib! So he needs to listen which will be a massive lesson for him to learn!! would love to see it!!!

Then popped out to have tea, with Chris's advice of eating for stamina ringing in his ears he couldn't help but order mash gravy and sausage! and wonder if he should have chips on the way home!! I think Pete has a little work to do on the inwardly digesting thing, but it will give both you and I a constant source of entertainment on this one.

GYM INDUCTION!

Today was the day when we made the commitment to change! Gym induction…. which I might add I have been dreading. The anxiety levels were high, different place, different expectations and hope I could formulate some sort of coherent response to the trainer, which seems to be sadly lacking at present. I avoid new situations like the plague, as I can't think, its ok to appear crazy with people you know but in public you at least want people to think you are ok! But Pete attended with me so there was no getting out of it. I changed in the ladies room and could feel my tongue going numb and my legs turn to jelly, how bazaar for someone like me that, before all the health issues was used to juggling a whole tea service of plates! But went in to see Chris the induction chap… who was very well versed in many of the health issues I face. He put my mind at ease and we continued the induction, with every bit of apparatus having a proviso for my use! We completed the induction, and I think the thing I take from today, is stop harping on about the past, i.e. how fast I used to run, how fit I used to be, how I used to be mentally. I hadn't really thought about it, but these are in fact negative responses, I need here and now. It is just how it is and it is up to me to accept it and make the most of my journey from here on in, difficult and frustrating some days to do that, but I am going to try. I will never be like i used to be, It will be an unachievable goal if i continue to set and strive for this. So lesson one for today heard, and learning! I am glad we went and I have booked in the next session on Monday. I will try to update this blog, one so I can see the journey, how ever far it gets and two to maybe shed some light and help for anyone else? Who knows. Its wasn't long ago I couldn't walk up a flight of stairs or breath at all and definitely not string a sentence together…. so I must remember how far I have come, and not how far I may not get.