HOUSTON - WE HAVE A PROBLEM!

Well where do I start! Head in the right place, body not playing ball!… I gave the sign off document to the doctor and after a telephone conversation and a few more meetings after that, I cannot get them to sign the "OK" document to enable me to take part in the London walking marathon. I questioned them and went over and over, what if I do? what about? how about this? every option put to them was a definite NO. I really thought they would sign it. 

So after long talks, its not going to happen as my chance of completing it are slim, my chances of being ok after are even slimmer. It is too high risk with my heart and post PE. They said with my current health looking at best of staying as good as is currently (which isn't too dandy!), as I cant be fixed or get better, my hope is to retain this level for as long as possible… its a bit of a bummer really.

I have always been and the military just reinforced it ,that you can do anything if you try hard enough, and if you are alive then it is still possible! BUT I need to understand that its not me who isn't trying its my body that physically can't… I am struggling with this process! … but its high risk for me to push my body, I didn't realise or accept how bad things were until they spelt it out really and told me in no uncertain terms the reality of what may and is likely to happen… really odd as I feel sort of able! (But that's the problem, people ask me to just do this or that - my head thinks I can, but it could and does sometimes wipe me out for long periods and I need to be careful as could be worse) 

So after the talking to, I didn't take any notice obviously being me !!, I had to figure and process this devastating info, so I did a non stop training walk at average walking Marathon pace for 5.6 miles non stop (i do more than this but i stop lots of times and take all day) however I was really ill Saturday night which ran into Sunday and frightened myself ...  I now understand that 26.2 miles isn't on my agenda, not now not ever... if I want to celebrate more things in life with the children (who are now adults!)!! SO back to the drawing board and have unhappily pulled out of the Marathon…. 

BUT I have found a 10k walking challenge in Henley along the river which is flat 9th Sept 2017 and I have entered this one with Pete, we will continue to go swimming and the gym (gently) and train for this and my future health and will set up a fundraising page for thrombosis UK … at least I have a goal and it shouldn't kill me which is a plus of course.

So another mental hurdle of acceptance and moving on to learn. And avoidance of the "you should be doing this" people who don't understand the complexity of the issues I need to navigate! So I need to concentrate of living my own life in the best way I can and tick off all the things I can along the way. My Henley will be my marathon!